Alan Duncan, the Conservative MP who is supposed to oversee the party's policy on expenses, claimed £127,658 under the second home allowance and almost £4000 on gardening expenses. Alan made his millions in the oil industry before he became an MP working for the decidedly unethical Vitol, a company that dealt with apartheid South Africa, did business with Serbian war criminals and was mixed up in the oil-for-food scandal. Up until a few weeks ago Alan also held a position at Arawak Energy an exploration company owned by Vitol where he earned £35,000 for 20 days work a year. Plus I'm sure he earns a fair bit for poncing about on Have I Got News For You. So the fellow's not short of a bob or two. Fearing that Alan might spend more of our hard earned money, we went down to his home in Rutland and Melton to offer him a free hand with the gardening and to give him a fetching new pound sign garden feature. While there we made some disturbing discoveries.
Concept: Joe Wade and Heydon Prowse