This week begins a series looking into the pitfalls inherent in the fools gold that is 'youth marketing' - that enigmatic holy grail of potential sales that agencies tout to their clients in the hope of loosening their purse strings. The formula "add Z to the end of every product name and prefix it with 'extreme'" no longer applies to Generation XYZZY. Don't Panic, Brett's here to help you avoid some common mistakes.

Week 1 - Soft Drinks

Redbull's a massive seller, the kids love it like crack and why not as it has much the same effect? A massive but short-lived high followed by a chronic crash which can only be remedied by another can of the red stuff! Keep on buying suckers and mix with a triple vodka for that potentially lethal kick, in a cocktail I'm calling the River Phoenix Effect.

Forgive the digression, my point is that many have tried and failed to knock Red Bull off their perch. Coca Cola launched Burn, which went up in smoke when no-one, not even everyone's favourite test market, the Scottish, bought into it. Next came Shark. Can you imagine asking or that at the bar? No-one else could either and it did one to the youth brand's graveyard, with a plot right in between Von Dutch and Spunky.

Next up for the long drop into bankruptcy is Relentless, with a name that smacks of a failed brainstorming session in the advertising agency bar at the end of a long day working on other client's accounts. The advertising and creative campaigns are even worse. Aimed squarely at the youth market the creative genie behind the campaign (marketing agency Erasmus) used an unreadable type face and came up with the wiggedy wiggedy whack tagline: 'Morning's were made to be broken'; so this cutting edge energy booster for the next generation is derived from an ancient hymn that the old bastards in the brainstorm vaguely remember singing in assembly a million years ago when they went to school! Holy shit, strike two for Coke then, the makers of Relentless and the people pumping at least £45m into the campaign.

While ranting at Coke I can't forget to mention their other advertising campaign for the new Coca Cola bottle with the better grip; thank fuck they've solved that one. Every time I drink it the bottle is sliding all over the place and flying out of my hand! Genius.