There’s nothing more boring than reading an interview from a tired old music hack asking questions like: “So who would you say are your major influences?” That’s why we asked lady-of-leisure Emily Freud to start dating for us. Emily doesn’t care about trivial things like grime, or nu rave. She cares about high minded stuff like literature, nice restaurants and hot boys. Emily doesn’t do interviews, she does dates. This issue she interviews Arne from Clarky Cat.

Sitting on the cold creaky wooden floor I felt a bit nervous. It was one of those situations when you can tell the exact space between you and another person and the slightest movement from either of you acts like a lightning bolt. There were two main reasons for this:

When I met up with Arne he was so nervous he couldn’t even look me in the eye. As we walked to the theatre he was at least three foot in front of me the whole way and I had to run behind him to keep up.

We were sitting in one of the oldest remaining autopsy theatres in the country on Hallows Eve and I have an extremely low scare threshold. I once watched a horror film at the cinema (one of those awful American teenage ones that aren’t even that scary and are made for thirteen year olds). I got home terrified and went to bed and woke up at four in the morning desperate for the loo. I was far too scared to even open my eyes let alone get up and chance getting my head chopped off by an axe murderer so just lay there in agony until it got light.

The woman giving the talk was full of enthusiasm about the topic: Body Snatching. There was a sign saying ‘Not recommended for children under 14’ as we entered the space. This added to my worry, not to mention that Arne looked so young I thought he might actually be under 14.

Luckily my worries were largely unfounded. The talk was not scary, more informative (I now have a wealth of knowledge about Body Snatching in the 19th century), and Arne wasn’t quite as young as I had feared. It was a very different evening; the theatre itself (part of the old St Thomas’s Hospital) looks like something out of Frankenstein - body parts in formaldehyde stored in jars dotted around the museum.

Arne and Emily in the Old Operating Theatre

As we walked down the tiny cork screw stairs back into the 21st century I suggested we go for a drink around the corner (we hadn’t really said two words to each other). I was interested to know what type of music he played, where he was from, and whether he was actually legally allowed to drink alcohol.

“So did you enjoy the talk?”

“Yeah.”

“It was a bit like being back at school wasn’t it?” (I probe)

“Yeah.”

“So do you still study?” (I try once more)

“Yeah (a monumental pause - I can tell he’s about to say something else. I hold my breath.) I do Neuroscience at UCL.”

(A relieved smile crosses my face) “Well that must have been right up your alley then.”

“Yeah.” (Oh well, it was a start)

A few beers later and Arne seems to be more relaxed. He can even look at me when I’m talking to him and his sentences are longer every time he speaks.

Hold my bone

“Do you find it difficult talking to girls?”

(His cheeks turn red in an instant) “I find it difficult talking to anyone.” (He says with a shy smile.)

“Have you done anything romantic ever for a girl?”

He sits and thinks this over. I wait patiently. Giving him a hand I say,

“Never bought flowers for a girl?”

“Er, I bought my great grandmother some flowers for her birthday when I was ten.”

“So have you ever gone on a date with a girl?”

“No.”

“So would you say you were particularly experienced?”

“I wouldn’t say I was experienced with anything.” (Bless.)

“So what is your band called?”

“It’s called Clarky Cat.”

“Isn’t that a nickname for Ketamine?”

“It was originally a fake drug name used in Brass Eye but has morphed into a slang word for ketamine.”

“So do you take a lot of ketamine?”

“No, not really. It reaches out to more people because it has two groups who know the associations. The Brass Eye fans and then the Ketamine fans, who we see as a bonus.”

(I know! Long sentence and he skirted around a difficult question with ease. There is more to Arne than meets the eye it seems.)

“So do you have any funny stories from when you’ve toured with the band?”

“Well, there was this time when we were driving from Austria to Slovakia with this really weird driver. We were all really drunk and it really pissed this guy off. Anyway we drove into Slovakia and he just stopped the car and walked off. We had no idea where we were or even if we were in the right country. Finally we decided to get out the bus and try and find the hotel ourselves. Luckily we did and it turned out to be just like the hotel in Hostel (the horror movie).”

“Oh my god! What happened?” (my eyes wide, almost not wanting to know.)

“We went to bed and woke up with mild hangovers.”

“Oh.” (Slightly disappointed.)

“So where are you from?”

“Nottingham.”

“Isn’t that the gun capital of England?”

“Yeah, I’m really into it.”

“Into what?” (I ask in confusion)

“Shooting people.”

“You look like the type.”

“Yeah people run away when they see me.”

Somehow I doubt that Arne.

I had a great time with Arne, he was very sweet and obviously loves his music (he is also an electro DJ). There are 4 members of Clarky Cat. Arne plays the guitar and sings.

Their single Sightline is available to buy now. Go to: www.myspace.com/clarkycat for details. I would also recommend you check out the lectures at the Old Operating Theatre: www.thegarret.org.uk