Sit back and enjoy this wonderful Christmas, cause if we are to believe the ancient Mayan calendar predictions, WE ONLY HAVE THREE TO GO!
That’s right, in the year 2012, the earth will crumble, tsunamis will wash out California and North Korea and Iran will get together in a nuclear crusade to blow the entire Western hemisphere to smithereens and beyond. Things are not looking great for the London Olympics in other words.
Apparently, reference to the 21st of December 2012 can be found in so-to-say all religions, holy writings and calendar systems known to man. Some believe cataclysmic events will take place throughout the last month of the year, with the ultimate destruction of the earth occurring on the 21st. Others believe that the world will not end, but instead humanity will enter a new age, marked by significant changes physically and mentally. Who are you really to say nothing will happen? It says so in the bible…
According to the Mayan calendar (which is the original source for the whole debacle theory) we will indeed be facing great spiritual changes in December 2012, but not necessarily doomsday. See – chill oooout, the Mayan’s did after all predict the arrival of the webcam in 1996, as a “an inter-dimensional network that would enable everyone to see and communicate with each other thousands of miles away.” That’s right, the revolutionary webcam. Couldn’t leave the house without it myself.
To be fair, we are making little progress on just about everything apart from getting even worse. The climate conference in Copenhagen more or less failed, more troops are on their way to Afghanistan and Obama turned down a lunch invitation from the Norwegian king. If we keep it up in this direction, international disaster might very well be waiting on our doorsteps this time in three years. It is time for you to start doing everything you have always wanted before hell breaks out. Here is Don’t Panic’s top five of things to do before you die a Mayan prediction death:
1. Get a huge loan from your bank and spend the next three years buying and doing everything you have always dreamed of – you’ll have no children to leave the debts to anyway.
2. Quit any job or project with long-term goals and spend your remaining time doing exactly what you feel like when you get up in the morning. Actually, tell your boss he's a massive prick while you're at it.
3. Stop feeling guilty about causing global warming and take all your friends on a road-trip in a really environmentally unfriendly but very cool car/bus. 4. Stop wasting your time being a people-pleaser and let any annoying people you know hear exactly what you have always thought about them.
5. Have as many sex-partners as you possibly can. STDs are the least of your worries.