Skittles? Yawn. Chocolate buttons? Boring. Dolly mix? So over. If you really want to be the coolest kid on the chocolate block, it's time to expand your horizons and look beyond the limits of your local newsagents to discover the World's Coolest Candy. Rude, bizarre or just all-out massive, they're guaranteed to linger on the palette longer than yet another bar of bog-standard Dairy Milk.
Slightly unsavoury concept aside, this candy is ideal if you're due for a drug test that you know you'll fail. The handy specimen bottle comes with a sealed cap, so by the time your parole officer has worked out it's actually glucose syrup and lemon flavouring, you'll be well on your way to Mexico.
Rude Love Hearts
Have you ever really, really hated someone, but been at a loss about how to let them know about it? Then rude love hearts might be the perfect candy for you. Whether your enemy is a douche, a dick, a fuck-head or a giant see-you-next-Tuesday, there's a adorable candy-covered way to tell them. They best thing about these sweets is that they come in a range of sour and bitter flavours, each one paired with the emotion it expresses. Sour Grape Smugness is our favourite so far.
Rude as it looks at first, this is a candy that stems from some actual classical culture. The original form of the Mannekin Pis (little boy pissing) derives from a beautiful bronze carving on the side of the central fountain in the city of Brussels. The little boy has become a symbol of the city, so now you can take him home and feed him to the kids. Available in a variety of flavours, from fizzy peach to juicy apple, this is sure to be a cheeky little favourite for all the family.
To spit or to swallow? That is the question... but you need ask no longer with Spermies. These delicious fruit-flavoured protein worms will simply be too delicious to waste; as the packet says, they are literally 'bursting with flavour'. And you'll be happy to know that they include no added salt, so they're practically good for you.
Now, this may technically be a biscuit rather than a candy, but it's definitely one of the coolest edible things in the world, ever. A baker from the Green Gables Sweets & Cafe bakery in Japan decided that the gap between addictive technology and addictive sugar products must be bridged, and after hours of labour intensive baking and icing, he came up with this adorable little cookie. It comes in apple flavour too – pun definitely intended.
If you love sushi, but wish it contained way more sugar (and let's face it, we all do), then this is your candy Holy Grail. This sweet sushi is comprised of Rice Krispy treat rice, gummy fish pieces and a hell of a lot of E-numbers. Thanks to this inventive confection creation, you can now pig out on your sweet treats whilst still looking like a gourmet foodie.
The Jelly Dildo
Does what it says on the tin. Although I highly doubt that it's meant for internal use.
Giant Gummy Bears
The scene in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where Charlie discovers the chocolate waterfall room (and is met with a world entirely crafted from candy) stuck in the mind of every child across the planet who saw it; certainly for me, the sight of those giant gummy bears hanging from trees have remained in my dreams ever since – and now, the dream is a reality. The thought of eating a gummy bear as big as my head may seem daunting, but I'm sure you'd give it a damn good go.