British Alcohol Consumption DECREASES
Drink for the nation!
People of Britain, this is an outrage! We as a nation have shamed ourselves with our decreasing levels of alcohol consumption, yes, DECREASING levels of alcohol consumption. We pride ourselves as a nation for being able to out-drink any other out there (except Ireland and Russia) but now we have nations such as Portugal, Denmark and our old foe Germany drinking us under the table, it is totally unacceptable.
The last time something like this happened was in 1948, this is showing that we are reverting somehow and becoming a backwards nation, I kid you not. And with this lack of disregard for our own health we have not only let ourselves down but we’ve also let down our pubs, off-licences, restaurants and supermarkets! We’re even slipping below the EU average, which is appalling too! Now let me make way for General Workingmansman to shove some words down your ears to inspire you...
But fear not, we still have the highest teenage pregnancy rates, thanks to the youth of today. Dismiss the doubt you once bestowed, for the youth of today, truly are the key to our survival. With many heading for unemployment which will set them onto the path to depression, our nation could see a dramatic and triumphant increase in alcohol consumption. Thus, warding off any threat to a crown which is rightly ours!
There is much potential encompassed by the youth of today, as many are learning their craft by dedicating their time to acquiring fake identification cards and seeking help from the elders of our dismal society to get alcohol from newsagents. These youngsters are setting the example for Britons everywhere! So come on Britain, drink up!
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