Most sensible people are looking forward to the day that world peace breaks out. The evening news will be much less depressing, wars will just be a thing that people pretend to do in computer games and everyone will be much happier. It's about time we got on top of this and made a to-do list:

1. Stop superpowers from perpetuating global conflict.  

Some people need to know when to butt-out. By supporting unfit regimes that fall into line with long-term political agendas and knowingly arming nations with weapons that are to be used on civilians, the World Police are doing a great job of fixing it till it's broke.

2. Restrictions on the arms trade.  

We are one of the biggest arms exporters in the world after America, Russia, Germany and France. Hmmm... here's an idea for 'peace loving' nations: you want peace, how about you stop fucking selling people weapons.

  3. Stop our addiction to oil - renewable energy.  

Fossil fuels - the crack cocaine of governments across the world. Eventually they're going to kill us all, but in the meantime we're totally happy to rip each other apart in order to get our hands on the stuff.

4. Get rid of religion.

Religion causes war! FACT! It doesn't make it okay to kill people just cos some big figment of your imagination told you to.

5. Make Speak the Hungarian rapper head of the U.N. Security Council.

If there’s one guy that we can trust to get the ‘bizniz’ done, it’s gotta be our favourite Hungarian Hip-Hop rapper Speak. He doesn’t want a war. Yeeeh.

6. Erase world debt

So what if some of them owe us money? They’re fucking STARVING. If all western goverments simultaneously cancelled world debt, we'd get such a big karmic rebate at the end of the tax year that not only would those crazy terrorists stop blowing us up, they'd probably give us all free back rubs and V.I.P. entry into paradise.

7. Ban The Sun and Tar and feather Rupert Murdoch.

Seriously. These ‘newspapers’ would be funny if they weren’t completely unfunny buckets of lexical puke. After Murdoch’s acquisition of Myspace he officially owns Most Of The World. If sensationalism and Richard Littlejohn columns are what continues to inform the country and colour public opinion then we’re all fucked.

8. Free the weed.

Who do you know that’s ever been attacked by a bunch of marauding stoners recently? Exactly. You can’t fight a war when you’re inside playing Xbox, eating Hob-Nobs and arguing about existentialism – that’s science.

9. Child advisory board for every government.

Kids are a lot better than adults. The problem with adults is that by the time they’ve got to grips with all of the grown up stuff like how to drive, hold down a job, do sex properly and pay bills they’ve completely forgotten about all the cool stuff they decided that they were going to do when they were kids. With an advisory board of children in every government pipe-dreams like ‘colouring-in day’ can finally become a reality. Nothing is going help us all calm down and stop hurting each better than a bit of quiet colouring-in.

10. Ban money

Let’s just go back to bartering already. This money thing hasn’t worked out. A few have far too much and far too many have not enough. Some people work torturously night and day and can barely afford to eat. Others do fuck all and receive everything they could ever want. Money pollutes everything from art to friendships and it’s got us all killing each other over it.