So we received this press release about Danny Dyer's new film and thought we would reproduce it verbatim for your amusement. Never before have we seen a press release that so accurately portrays its subject - whoever wrote this is a true da Vinci of the PR community. The film looks great though - 24 hours to get 100 grand! Bish bash bosh! Fuck! 4 hours left! You cunt! You Mug! Fuck Off! Slag!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE!

DANNY DYER FANCIES GINGER NICOLA FROM GIRLS ALOUD!

…and wouldn’t mind a bit of Helen Mirren, Stephanie Beacham and Gloria Hunniford

London, Friday 12 February – Supporting his latest DVD Dead Man Running also starring 50 Cent - Danny Dyer bares all just in time for Valentines Day in an interview* this month, where he confesses he prefers Nicola out of Girls Aloud: “Nicola, the little ginger one. She looks like a proper little ghetto bird, and I love that ‘cause I’m a ghetto nut myself. She looks a bit grubby and that. I quite like that. She needs a fackin’ good scrub, that girl. I’d like to give her a nice scrub. That’s it though, I’d just scrub her and then fuck her off”.

Danny goes on to say: “I love an old bird. They’re great, old women. I find ‘em weirdly attractive. I quite like Stephanie Beacham. I’ve been watching Celebrity Big Brother and last night she had pigtails in her hair. I got a stirring in my loins. Helen Mirren as well, chuck her in the mix. That’d be a right fackin’ foursome. Helen Mirren, Gloria Hunniford, Stephanie Beacham and me. Love it!”

Danny also talks about his semi-naked photoshoot with Attitude magazine, if he’s a gay man stuck in a man’s body, his views on Amyl Nitrate and “the pinnacle of achievement in my life was….having my penis from The Business on www.famousmales.co.uk”.

You can catch DANNY DYER in DEAD MAN RUNNING – out on DVD on 1^st March 2010 – where you can pre-order from Amazon online!

*You can find the full interview in this month’s Attitude Magazine.