Family can be annoying and stuff but what if you were in a foreign war-zone twelfty million miles away from all of them? You might even miss your infuriating runt of a little brother then. Maybe you would even miss your dad and all his BS about “his rules, his house.” Arsehole! 

But the internets is also a family of sorts. DogsOnAcid is one site where everyone gets along like the Waltons. Ricardo Bacher is a member of DOA. He is also in the U.S. Army fighting the Talibans out in Afghanistans right now on your lazy, self-indulgent, McDonalds-eating, TV-watching, computer-game-playing behalf. Arseholes! 

Ricardo's friends recently set up a forum on DOA to ask him questions about his experiences. Here is Ricardo on the realities of fighting Afghanistanians, opium, snowboarding and hot Muslim snatch. 

These people aren't going skiing.

ANON: Have you had sex with a local yet? 

RICARDO: LOL! All the women wear Burkas and they are not allowed out without a male escort at any time. Plus I have an amazing girl waiting at home for me. No sex with the locals. I bet they have bush from asshole to bellybutton too. 

ANON: How many people have you killed? 

R: Haven't killed anyone yet. I mostly drop off humanitarian aid to the locals and we do a bunch of medical and veterinarian aid stations all around the province. Taliban doesn't fight us in this weather. It's like -14. We probably won't see them until spring... retard. 

Ken can be an irritating car-hating megalomaniac but in some countries public transport is even worse than in London believe it or not...

ANON: Wow, cool pictures. Those mountains look amazing! Maybe a silly question but does anyone do any winter sports out there like skiing and snowboarding? It would have to just be heli-skiing or ski-touring or whatever I suppose. If I had some time off I would blatantly try and do that if at all possible. 

R: I've never heard of anyone skiing or anything. This country is a war-zone btw. You couldn't walk around unprotected for more than an hour without being killed. There are landmines everywhere off every beaten path. I bet that civilian contractor got in trouble for that. These people are the dumbest people on earth as much as I hate to say it. You could show them five days in a row how to use a washing machine and they will have it completely dismantled and broken on the sixth day. I know this for a fact.  

ANON: How come you (the U.S. army) can’t get the heroin trafficking under control?? Has there been any focus on that? Hasn't the production there on opium doubled since the forces took over? 
 
R: The politics behind this is well beyond my grasp. There is a field with like 80 square miles of weed not more than an hour away from us. I'll get pictures in the summer. We aren't allowed to mess with anything like that. 

"Laugh now American but in 18 years I'll be back and still sore about it like in that movie where they had to kill that bill guy (what was that called again?)."

ANON: The goal of the U.S. government atm is not to police the world but to expand its empire and to capitalize dwindling resources to maintain global dominance in an ever changing world. If you think for a second they are doing any of this for humanitarian reasons you greatly mistaken. War IS about destruction, period. You have two or more opposing forces wanting to project their political will by force. 

R: You have absolutely no clue what you are talking about and I don't even know where to begin on combating this idiocy. What the fuck do you think we were going to do with all that money? Buy them all cars and build them houses? How the fuck will that help their grandkids? We build schools and hospitals. We provide medical aid. Sure that kid is riding a donkey. I’m also willing to bet he can read and write and has a clean bill of health. I also bet you his little sister is going to attend the all girl’s schools we just built. Something never imagined under the Taliban. I can also assure you that the Taliban will try and destroy our school by every means possible.

The more educated these people get the harder it is for them to be controlled. Let's not pretend all that money was spent so we could drive around tossing out candy. That is just something us soldiers do out of our own pockets to bring a smile to a little kid’s face. And anyone who thinks the Taliban may have been better for these people obviously hasn't been shot in the head in the middle of a soccer-field for listening to western music or being raped. Google doesn't have all the answers btw.

Ricardo is holding an M16 (with a rocket launcher). The kid behind him is carrying a stick. This picture pretty much sums up the war in Afghanistan.