The Urban Nerd returns for another date, this time with Violet Violet at the Dans Le Noir restaurant where dinner is served in the dark and punters have to guess what they're eating.

This time for my date I decided to shun the comforts of a grime rave in exchange for a more neutral battle ground and sample the gastronomic delights of Clerkenwell eatery Dans Le Noir where guests enjoy a dinner in pitch darkness and are guided and served by blind people. That’s right folks; those of you who think you’ve endured the painstaking embarrassments of a blind date ain’t got nothing on me!  

Cheri and Fliss, a.k.a. the riffs, beats and vocals behind the three-piece all girl ensemble, Violet Violet, arrived on time. Unfortunately, bass player Kylie had a prior engagement. Much to our dismay, Dans Le Noir appeared to be closed when we arrived. Unschooled as we were in the art of dark dining, we thought that perhaps the lack of lights and the locked door were all part of the experience. In actual fact we were early and five minutes later manager, host and Dans Le Noir founder, Dominique, an eccentric Frenchman with a clipboard, ushered us in.

The Nerd is so cool that the girls have to hide behind their menus

Thankfully, the bar appeared to be perfectly well lit. We were told to leave all electronic items and anything that glows in a locker before entering the dining room (to maintain absolute darkness) and I thanked the high heavens that I’d decided not to wear my glow in the dark Urban Nerd T-shirt. A suitably strong Mojito calmed my first date jitters. Dans Le Noir’s bar do exceptional cocktails. 

Dominique talked us through “the process” and suddenly my innocent dinner date felt like a cave diving expedition. To disorientate us even further we weren’t to know what we were eating - the choice being between the surprise white (anything goes), red (no fish, seafood or shellfish) or blue and green (vegetarian) menus.

Cheri and Fliss talk to Dans Le Noir founder Dominique

Soon it was time to eat. We were lined up in front of a long ramp, dimly lit in red. We met our waiter, Ash, who instructed us to proceed into the black, single file, our right arm on the shoulder of the person in front. Ash, like all the waiters, is blind. The concept, pioneered in Dominique’s original Dans Le Noir in Paris, is that the physical barriers between the visually and non-visually impaired are broken. In this environment it is us who must depend on the blind, not the other way around.

After a brief panic attack from Cheri or possibly Fliss, we found ourselves seated in the black. Forgive me for not transcribing the hilarious conversation that dominated our meal. The good old pad and pen were, for obvious reasons, out of the question and my Dictaphone was in the locker along with all other light emitting paraphernalia. Anyway, here’s our best bits:

1. Cheri and Fliss contemplating the worrying and unlikely, yet altogether possible scenario of people all around us eating in the nude.

2. Don’t Panic photographer and Urban Nerd dates’ fourth wheel, Oli Longmore, sitting in silence and freaking me out as I frequently had to double check he was still with us (by touching his leg).

3. Me waving the bread basket around in the air (you know, just for jokes) and hitting Fliss in the head.

4. Cheri asking me to give her my hand, into which she put an unidentified portion of food (I’m not amused).

5. Me getting Cheri back by putting ice in her hand. Cheri responding by putting ice down my back.

6. Us listening to the booze-fueled conversations of the adjacent table and me suggesting the girls reach over and steal their wine. 

After the meal we had to guess what we had just consumed, Dominique confirming that, among other things, we’d had Spanish chorizo, prawns wrapped in bacon, guinea fowl, and steak. For dessert it was some sort of chocolaty thing - fondant me thinks. The food was delicious.

We left the restaurant and went our separate ways – the girls having to traipse back to Norfolk. We were on the opposite train platform from each other and both parties had to do that embarrassing no eye contact thing… you know what I mean. See you next time kids.

Violet Violet’s bitchbox is available to buy on CD and to download now. Check Cheri, Fliss and Kylie out at www.violetviolet.co.uk or www.myspace.com/violetviolet1

If you fancy a real blind date or are just up for a piss up in the dark with great food, visit www.danslenoir.com. Be sure to book early!