Continuing in our (genuinely accidental) trend of sending David Cano into situations likely to aggravate his legion of personal fears, we had him interview Pull in Emergency down at Mark Anstee's new exhibition in the Madder 139 Gallery.


Kids these days. Little shits, that’s what they are. Hooded hooligans roaming the streets on toxic cocktails of booze and drugs, knifing anything that moves. Feral savages that mug, rape and terrorise indiscriminately. I hear they like, snort crushed glass before going out on frenzied attacks. They favour crippled grannies, taking their pension money, setting fire to their electric wheelchairs and sending them careening head-on into heavy traffic. I’m terrified of them, personally. Every time I see a group, I get my house key and grip it between my index and middle finger, fist ready. So naturally when Don’t Panic told me to go and meet teen-rockers Pull in Emergency at the Madder 139 gallery in Whitecross Lane, I was on high alert.

Luckily, the gallery was in a public place. Still, I couldn’t put anything past them. They were probably drugged up to the eyeballs, foaming viciously at the mouth and looking for a target. Fittingly, the exhibition was a display of hooded figures made from hand-blown Venetian Murano glass. The artist responsible was one Mark Anstee. I spoke to him.

“It’s an ancient shape [the hoody] but also a very modern shape,” he said.

“But, isn’t it a threatening one?” I asked him.

“Well it’s become that for a lot of people. It’s a great marketing tool that’s created an ‘us’ and ‘them.’ But middle class people wear and buy them all the time, so go figure. It doesn't necessarily mean anything. Then again, behind my old studio there used to be all these crack dealers and they would wear them so they couldn’t be identified by the cctv - it’s a useful device for hiding your identity.”

Ha! I knew it. The little bastards are hiding something. I’m onto them. I read the papers. I’m no fool.

We didn't even have to ask them to look shady

After my little chat with Mark I walked out to meet Pull in Emergency. I tried to look confident. Teenagers can smell fear. There were so many of them, 5 in total. Packs – they travel in packs. As they grouped around me, I fumbled nervously in my pocket for my keys. If they pounced I wasn’t going to fucking go down without a fight. Quick… ask them a question… any question.

“So, er...” my voice warbling wavering …”what did you think of the exhibition?”

“I thought it was pretty original; I liked it,” said Dylan the bass player. His answer surprised me. I was expecting to be cut off mid sentence with a shank to the gut.

“So er, what did you think it was about?”

“Well they were in hoodies so youth culture,” answered Faith the lead singer. I looked her up and down. To my amazement, her pupils weren’t hugely dilated. I relaxed the grip on my keys... just a little. They didn’t seem homicidal. Lulling me into a false sense of security perhaps.

“So much stuff in the media is exaggerated about teenagers,” said Frankie, lead guitarist. “They blow things out of proportion to get a good story. We’re not all involved in crime.”

Hmmm… I see.

“There’s also this whole young music scene which is seen as really positive, so there’s two sides,” said Faith.

I looked at my watch. I’d been chatting to them for about half an hour and incredibly I was still breathing. I finished up my conversation with the group and wandered off home slightly bemused. Could the papers have got it wrong? Was the hysteria misplaced? Surely they wouldn't lie to us. No, I wasn’t convinced. They probably robbed me without me even knowing it. Cunts! I rummaged through my pocket. All present and correct. Hmm, I got away this time maybe, but I’m on to them.

If you'd like to have a listen to the rapscallions yourselves, check their site at www.myspace.com/pullinemergency

See more of Mark Anstee's artwork at www.markanstee.com