With the credit-crunch and war pretty much everywhere, nuclear weapons global warming heating up the poles… The list of bad things going on in the world these days is endless. Although, the worst part for sure is that there are still quite a few people out there with happy grins! Some people seem to always wake up on the right side, saying “think positive” as if something good would come out of all that shit that is going on. You could probably piss on these people and they would still be smiling. They can miss their flights, get dumped and fired from work – all in the same day - and still see the light! There's no reason for it! Unfortunately for them, Don’t Panic is here to give you the safest ways to kill even the most hardcore optimist’s mood.

· Tell them that every time they laugh they're releasing gasses that contribute to climate change, if that doesn’t work, tell them that the worst climate crime of all is to sleep, cause the way you’re breathing while sleeping produces more carbon dioxide than when awake. Lack of sleep is one of the most common ways to get people grumpy.

· Tell them their kids are likely to turn into drug addicts and or die from the effects of climate change before their old enough to have children themselves.

· When the eternal optimist shows up raving about their new clothes, tell them that they were most probably made in a third world sweat shop where a 2 year old stiched them together with bleeding fingers and was paid nothing for his trouble.

· Tell them the story about your colleague who never smoked, drank or did drugs, cycled to and from work every day and was on a strict healthy organic diet then died from a heart attack last year leaving four children and a disabled wife.

· Tell them their boyfriend/girlfriend has come on to you and you haven’t said anything cause you thought it was only that one time, but now when it happens like all the time you just want to get it out in the open.

· If the optimist has invested in some new stuff, tell them that you just got the same one on eBay five times cheaper.

· Tell them you were in town today and you could have sworn you saw their ex coming out of the local walk-in STD clinic but you're sure it's nothing to worry about.

…Or you can just kick dog shit at a homeless person or crush a kitten mercilessly with your foot. Because that's the way the world really is... that's real!!!!!

Credits: Oliver Moffitt, Rhian Clarkson and Matthew Pink